I was flipping through the Soccernet archives for old columns by Uli Hesse-Lichtenberger (the best soccer writer ever, bar none), and I came across this... The funniest sentence I've read online all week:
"Three years later, in 1999, he grabbed Dortmund's Andreas Möller by the ear, delivered a kung-fu styled kick aimed at Stephane Chapuisat and then pretended to bite Heiko Herrlich in the neck - all in one game."